Talk for Sacrament
Meeting on Mother's Day: May 10, 2015
Mothers: Examples of
Love and Selfless Service
(I usually don't write out talks for church in detail like this, but in this case I didn't want to say anything to a mother that they would take the wrong way so I wrote this out and delivered it almost as written.)
As I've worked on this talk the past several weeks, I found
myself paralyzed and unable to progress because of fear that I would say
something that would cause one of you mothers to cry on your special day.
So, I've decided that I'm not going to talk to you current, and future
mothers (and by the way, does each of you know that, with a gospel perspective,
"current and future mother" includes every woman in the room?).
In any event, sisters, I'm not talking to you and I want to talk instead
to the brethren about what they can learn from the women in their lives.
Brethren, I hope I can make you cry today, and shed some guilty tears.
Actually, I'll be happy if i can even keep you awake through the end of
my talk. And sisters, i suppose its ok for you to listen if you promise
to only cry happy tears.
Today I want to encourage you brethren to follow a mother's
example of selfless service. You will probably never find a better
example of selfless service than the mother who bore you or the mother who is
raising your children. Every person in this room spent the first several
months of their mortal life (about 9 if all went well) safely inside our mother.
Those were long, difficult months for her. My mom still tells me
that I as her favorite because I came two weeks early. During those 9
months Our mother took us with her everywhere she went, and probably thought of
us often, and as the months passed our presence became more and more
uncomfortable for her. For many of our mothers, our presence made her
unbearably ill for weeks or months, unable to enjoy the foods or activities
that she loved. Most of us were fortunate enough to be born to mothers
who continued that pattern of selfless service our whole lives, teaching us,
loving us, and
whether we recognize it or not, we owe much of what we have become to them. In what ways
could you better follow the example that mothers set of selfless sacrifice?
The Lord taught that He "came not to be ministered
unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many." (Matt.
20-28) Our Heavenly Father sent us here so we could learn to follow that
example, to learn to focus on ministering to others more than about what we
receive. Isn't that the key to a happy life. I was thinking
recently about how strange it is that once you get past about 8 years old,
birthdays are almost always a big disappointment. Perhaps the reason is
because we're truly happier when we are serving others and thinking about
others rather than focusing on ourselves.
In fact, I think that service should be a part
of who we are. When we have an hour free on a weekend and think, what
could I do for fun? Isn't the best thing that we could do for our personal
happiness be to do something for someone else?
Now, brethren, as I
bring up the topic of service, some of your minds may have wandered to houses
that need to be rebuilt in Nepal, or those oppressed by poverty in south and
central America, but today I want you to instead focus on the service that you
can give as a parent. Remember, whether you are a parent now or not, that
in the end we are all here on earth to learn to be perfect parents. Now
in saying that I think we need to be careful; when we speak of parenthood or
motherhood, I think we often get an image of a mother holding a newborn baby,
or a father reading a book to a toddler before bed at night. However,
parenthood is far more than that, and we all have parent-like experiences each
day even if we aren't around little children. Parenthood also includes
having the courage to drag that same screaming toddler out of sacrament
meeting, or to send him to his room when he's walking the line to see whether
you'll care enough to enforce limits. Parenthood is also having the
courage to take away a cell phone or a computer to protect a teenager who is
quite sure that they no longer need your protection. And how many cases
are there where we aren't sure what is the right way to discipline our children
and we have to be in tune with the spirit and hope that the Lord will let us
know if we get off track.
Now, all of those
parent-child experiences may be past for many of us or may have not yet come
for others. How painful it can be to have those blessings delayed or over,
or apparently never to come for us in this life. Perhaps it would help just a
little bit to realize, that God allowed medicine and nutrition to develop so
that we can expect that our lives will last about four times the length of time
that our children are here with us. As hard as it can be to understand
and accept, all of the different stages and situations in life are designed for
our good, including that 3/4 of our life when there may not be children in our
sphere of influence who need our parenting. We all have many opportunities to
nurture the parenting talents that we will need in the eternities. That
same nurturing that we have in parenthood can be present in our interactions
with people that we work with, with friends, and any time that we take someone by
the hand, with love and patience, and help them to be a little better. There is a woman
who I work with who is a great example to this. When I was just starting
out she was always there to answer my questions and critique my first proposal
when there was nothing in it for her. I've tried to follow that example
and now her influence is being magnified to the third generation of new
assistant professors.
Elder Callister recently
said, "In the life to come, I do not know if titles such as bishop or
Relief Society president will survive, but I do know that the titles of husband
and wife, father and mother, will continue and be revered, worlds without end.
That is one reason it is so important to honor our responsibilities as parents
here on earth so we can prepare for those even greater, but similar,
responsibilities in the life to come." (Tad R. Callister, Parents, the
prime gospel teachers, October 2014 Conference)
Of all the callings that we can receive, the calling of
mother is particularly demanding. I've always been impressed by Nephi and his
brother Lehi, in Helaman 5:4, who decide to abandon the judgement seat (imagine
walking away from your term as president and the nice accommodations in the
white house) to undertake to "preach the word of God, all the remainder of
(their) days." Every mother accepts a similar call to love and serve
and worry about her children all the remainder of her days.
Elder Holland
Why do mothers gladly enter into such a demanding role?
Do they live for the day when we'll finally recognize all that they've
done and truly, deeply thank them? No, we can't repay them for what
they've done and perhaps that is the best part of being a Mother. Service
is a blessing in and of itself. It doesn't matter if accolades come or if
your children go on to be famous. Think back on a time in your life when
you've given service or done something good, did you really feel happiest when
people finally noticed and thanked you for what you'd done? Or did you
perhaps feel happier as you were serving when you knew that you were giving a
wonderful gift to that child (or to another person you were nurturing as a
mother), and doing the work that God would do if He were here?
In saying that, I am just trying to emphasize how noble and
selfless the service of mothers is. We all should and need to do more to
help mothers see how great their role is. Shortly after the passing of
his wife, our former prophet President Hinckley said the following.
"And so Eve became God’s final creation, the grand summation of all of the marvelous work that had gone before.
"Notwithstanding this preeminence given the creation of woman, she has so frequently through the ages been relegated to a secondary position. She has been put down. She has been denigrated. She has been enslaved. She has been abused. And yet some few of the greatest characters of scripture have been women of integrity, accomplishment, and faith.
"We have Esther, Naomi, and Ruth of the Old Testament. We have Sariah of the Book of Mormon. We have Mary, the very mother of the Redeemer of the world. ...
"Crossing through His life we have Mary and Martha, and Mary of Magdala. She it was who came to the tomb that first Easter morning. And to her, a woman, He first appeared as the resurrected Lord. Why is it that even though Jesus placed woman in a position of preeminence, so many men who profess His name fail to do so?" (
Brethren, is there anything in your actions towards the
woman that surround you that is not in harmony with the savior's teachings?
Have you been sufficiently grateful for all that they do? Have you valued
their opinions, gifts and contributions as the Lord does? If you consider
those questions carefully enough you will find ways in which you have fallen
short. I invite you to repent, to ask the Lord for forgiveness, and to
strive to do better going forward.
I can't pass up this opportunity to express just a tiny part
of the gratitude that I feel for my mother. I was her third child of
five, third of three all 18 months apart, so she struggled through the
craziness that many young mothers experience, and the crusty looks from people
in the supermarket, whispering to each other that people shouldn't be allowed
to have so many kids. At that moment we were all probably proving them
right by begging for candy and one of the three was probably having some sort
of meltdown. My dad was in the bishopric and then a bishop for half of my
growing up years, and while he participated actively with the family when he was
there, we were often all gone in different directions. As a result, scripture study was difficult.
During those difficult years, my mother remembers hearing a talk at a
Relief Society conference where the speaker quoted Marion G. Romney and then
asked, "Do you want more peace in your home? Do you want harmony among
your fighting children? Then read the scriptures together."
Those and other teachings inspired her to keep trying and she was the
driving force behind our family scripture study.
To this day my mom still has a strong influence on me.
No matter how little I accomplish or how much I may mess up in this or
that, any time I see my mom she makes me feel like I am the most handsome, most
successful, most important person in the whole world. I don't know how
her friends don't get sick of her bragging about her kids all the time, but it
means a lot to me to have a mother that cares that much about me.
Brethren, what do you need to do to be more like my mother?
Sisters, remember that my remarks are for the brethren, not for you.
I'd better not catch any of you feeling inadequate as you compare
yourselves to my mother.
The other mother who has had a profound influence on my life
is my wife, Melissa. Unfortunately, there isn't enough time left in the meeting
for me to even begin to tell you about her great qualities. Instead I'll
tell you about her faults… (joke).
Now sisters, in speaking of my mother and in just mentioning
my wonderful wife, I'm sure you've found ample ammunition that you could use to
shoot yourselves down, because really, who could measure up to them? But
I hope you will instead focus on what your good qualities are and how
you could strengthen them. The tribute that someone would give to you today
would be different from what I have just said about two of the women in my
life, but your individual mix of talents and gifts are just as valuable to God.
I hope the Holy Ghost will carry that message to your heart. God values
your unique talents and gifts.
I want to echo Elder
Holland's praise for you mothers. He said, Quote, "...may I say to
mothers collectively, in the name of the Lord, you are magnificent. You
are doing terrifically well. The very fact that you have been given such a
responsibility is everlasting evidence of the trust your Father in Heaven has
in you. "
(Because she is a mother, Holland, April 1997)
Picture in your minds that group of
children up here singing to us. How sad we would be if they were all the
same. We love that because they are all so different, some wigglers, some
brightly smiling, others hiding behind the podium (that would have been me, by
the way), and on and on. Our Heavenly Father loves each of us for what we add
to His family, in the same way that we love those children.
Each of you has varied talents and varied challenges and
opportunities. We all have the tendency
to tear ourselves down for our weaknesses (or to find fault with others and
focus on their weaknesses). When I worked at Sandia Lab, the company paid thousands of
dollars for our entire group to take a training course to help us be more
effective at our work. This training company's key innovation, was to
teach us that we would be more successful if we focus on magnifying our
strengths, rather than harping on our weaknesses. Does that teaching
resonate with the gospel? The gospel teaches us
that we should work on our weaknesses, but we have the atonement to help with
that. We've been commanded to live in "thanksgiving daily" and
rejoice in our opportunities to do good each day with the talents that we've
been given. Don't we hide our talents under a bushel when we focus too much on
our weaknesses to let our good qualities shine forth?
Sister Beck recently shared the following plea for you
women. (Julie B. Beck, “Mother Heart”, April 2004) Oh, that every
girl and woman would have a testimony of her potential for eternal motherhood
as she keeps her earthly covenants. “Each is a beloved … daughter of heavenly
parents, and, as such, each has a divine … destiny” (“The Family: A
Proclamation to the World”).
Now I can let the brethren lapse into sleep while I direct a
few words at you, mothers. The care you give as mothers takes all that you can give and will
last the rest of your life. Remember Nephi and Lehi, who I mentioned
earlier who gave up their lives of comfort to teach the Gospel all the remainder
of their days? In Helaman 10:3-5 we read what became of Nephi.
3 And it came to pass as he was thus pondering--being much cast
down because of the wickedness of the people of the Nephites, their secret
works of darkness, and their murderings, and their plunderings, and all manner
of iniquities--and it came to pass as he was thus pondering in his heart,
behold, a voice came unto him saying:
4 Blessed art thou, Nephi, for those things which thou hast done; for I have beheld how thou hast with unwearyingness declared the word, which I have given unto thee, unto this people. And thou hast not feared them, and hast not sought thine own life, but hast sought my will, and to keep my commandments.
5 And now, because thou hast done this with such unwearyingness, behold, I will bless thee forever; and I will make thee mighty in word and in deed, in faith and in works; yea, even that all things shall be done unto thee according to thy word, for thou shalt not ask that which is contrary to my will.
4 Blessed art thou, Nephi, for those things which thou hast done; for I have beheld how thou hast with unwearyingness declared the word, which I have given unto thee, unto this people. And thou hast not feared them, and hast not sought thine own life, but hast sought my will, and to keep my commandments.
5 And now, because thou hast done this with such unwearyingness, behold, I will bless thee forever; and I will make thee mighty in word and in deed, in faith and in works; yea, even that all things shall be done unto thee according to thy word, for thou shalt not ask that which is contrary to my will.
I hope that we can all
follow the tremendous examples of service that the women in our midst have set
for us. I hope that we can make service a part of our lives, and next
time we're on the TV or internet looking for entertainment that we might ask,
would I be happier if I spent these moments serving someone in my family?
Testimony, close
So, that's it, but there's one nice quote that I didn't fit in:
“Life doesn’t come with a manual, it comes with
a mother.” (familysearch.org)
And I've always liked this song about how important a Mother's work is.
“She” (Cherie Call http://www.cheriecall.com/albums/songs/stars/She.html)
She is not the picture on a magazine,
she's the woman just behind you, in the checkout
stand.
…
She is not a highly honored diplomat
Held responsible to lead the world to peace
But what she does is every bit as serious
Amidst the turmoil everywhere that will never
cease
She has hands that wipe the tears away
And she has a voice that makes everything O.K.
And no woman from the papers or T.V. could ever
hope to be
As indispensable as she
It breaks my heart every time I see her wonder
If she means anything in this world that pulls
her under…
She may not be known for giving millions
To charities and auctions on the news
But I believe she's given more than anyone
In all the times she's ever had to choose
To give up sleep to rock her children every
night
And give her heart to always hold their dreams
so tight
And the best that you or I could ever hope to be
Is as wonderful as she
